The Catalyst (Beware: I take forever to get to the point)

What you need to know first:
As of Thursdsay October 21, 2010, I have officially decided to change my major. This upcoming week I will go make the necessary appointments to be an International Affairs major with a concentration in Diplomacy. The purpose of this blog is to keep everyone updated on my progression in life and sometimes whatever random thoughts have consumed my brain for the day.

Some Background:
As most of you know, I have been hopelessly floundering towards being an Early Childhood Education major for these last 4 (almost 4 and a half) years in college. I've wanted to work with children since 5th grade, and teaching seemed like the only way I would be able to follow that passion. Oh boy, was I wrong. 2 years ago in the summer of 08, I felt a very strong (and might I add, IRRESISTABLE) urge to join the mission field. In particular, I wanted to work with orphans. After reading a book and several articles related to the subject, I was heartbroken to discover that most children in orphanages are not touched other than when they are fed or changed. This causes huge developmental problems for them and severely affects their ability to accept love.
After losing Ashley, I needed purpose. My heart longed to be able to reach out to people in a way that I had never done before. So when this calling arised in my heart, I was ready to drop out of school then and find a job in the mission field right away. Thankfully, my wise and wonderful parents told me that I needed to finish my major first and give myself time to prepare.
So, I continued on with school, but following Ashley's death, I became a zombie. I knew there was something I wanted to do, but losing one of my best friends was incredibly hard to deal with. I had lost a major part of my heart and it showed in most areas of my life. (not exactly a good thing after my disasterous first year of school and spending my second year trying to push ahead) Needless to say, I lost a bit of focus in my third year, and even though my grades were fair, it still wasn't good enough.
Getting into the Education program was mostly me hitting the same wall, trying to get over the wall, trying to blow up the wall, and failing miserably. Every semester the same thought would arise: "what am I supposed to do". Thankfully, God has better plans than I could ever dream of on my own. The International Affairs major had great amounts of appeal to me, but I just couldn't commit for fear that I would be stuck in school forever. So, I would pray about it, but decide to stay where I was.

The Catalyst:
A year ago I asked God to make it very apparent if I was not going in the right direction and that still small voice made a big announcement during the middle of Italian class. I had been thinking of International Affairs again for about a week and dreading another semester of taking the same classes because I couldn't get into the ECE program. I was so fed up with trudging through the same hopelessness and not getting anywhere with my life. College has been my wilderness and I just wanted the "promised land" to be in sight!

ANYWAYS-- I arrive in my Italian class on Thursday morning for the study abroad presentation and spend most of the time dreaming about getting a minor in Italian/finding a job where I would be able to see the world and work with children. Cue a giant sense of being overwhelmed and God's still small voice saying "HEY, IT'S TIME TO CHANGE YOUR MAJOR!". Cue panic attack of me trying to figure out if I'd be in school for 7 more years, finding a job, and if my parents would freak out.

I decided then and there to go home and see how long this change would take and to call my mom immediately after class. Mom was actually very thrilled and said that she and dad had been wondering for quite some time if I even wanted to be a teacher anymore. She agreed that this major would fit my personality and that they (her and daddyo) would be behind me.

Life is changing and I could not be more excited. I'm lit up like a Christmas tree and ready for the path ahead. I'll have to grow up quite a bit, but that's life! I appreciate all of the love and support I've been recieving and I will try to keep everyone updated on this journey!

I love you all,
Emma