Thoughts Derived from My Inbox

   Like most Americans, I have way too much stuff. I also have a tendency to put other things above organization (I think my room has always looked like it was just struck by a clothes tornado). Over the last year or so I have felt a strong urge to simplify my life.

      

     I think a big push for me to start simplifying has been rooted in changing my major. When I switched to International Affairs it was NOT to live a comfortable life with a cushy desk job as a government bureaucrat or something of a similar nature. I switched because I want to GO and love people where they are hurting and help in any way that I can. If I’m going all of the time, why the heck do I have so much stuff? All of this stuff is weighing me down. I want to live life simply.

        

   Starting sometime last spring, I would go in spurts of purging my stuff. I would load up my Jeep (long live King Leonidas in good car heaven) and take multiple car loads of stuff to Good Will every week. Then I would get busy, but eventually the cycle would start again (Hey, it’s a start). Anyways, the cycle started again back in December because graduation (and, Lord willing, the World Race) will be here before I know it… mostly I’ve just been fed up. I’ve made quite a bit of progress in physical stuff, but I have a long way to go.

        Over last week I was looking at my email, which is easy because it’s on my phone, and realizing how many pointless emails I get a day. It’s no wonder I had over 1,800 unread email messages! That number drove me crazy. Occasionally I’d attempt to delete a few, but that gets cumbersome on my phone. I had to start somewhere, so I began to unsubscribe to daily emails from retailers that I really didn’t care about. My emails went from about 20+ per day to 5(ish). It felt great, but that number of unread messages was still colossal! So tonight, I purged my emails, and God talked to me along the way.

Lessons:

        While it was fun to see what phases of life I’ve gone through since I made this specific account in 2007, it was also shocking to see how few emails I actually cared about. What happened to correspondence? Seeing personal emails (not forwards… I REALLY hate forwards) was like finding precious gems in all of the rubble. Those real emails were among the very few “read” messages that I had.

         I don’t want artificial relationships with fitness magazines and retailers trying to sell me more stuff I don’t need (unless it’s the steep and cheep daily dose, those are HILARIOUS). I want joy and I want purposeful relationships. I don’t want excess baggage. I want to appreciate what I have that’s important. (No, I’m not just talking about email anymore).

    As I sit here with a 90% lighter inbox, I’m forced to think about my heart. Yes I’m getting rid of physical and digital clutter, but what detritus is in my heart? What areas have I let stuff pile up in?  I try to deal with situations as they come, but I want to make sure there aren’t things holding me back. I also want to make sure that I’m a genuine person. I tend to let my friendships slack because I get busy. I need to be intentional about being a good friend.

Clearly, I still have a lot to work on.

Until next time- Peace.

KABOOM!! (my life has super-nova(ed))

It's Official:
I officially changed my major! Who knew going in to change your major could be such an amazing experience? First off, let me tell you that anytime I wanted to see an advisor in the ECE office I had to make an appointment several weeks in advance. I walked in and the awesome desk lady found an advisor I could talk to and provided all of the necessary forms I needed to fill out right away! She laughed at my shock and amazement over how relaxed they were. I'm still in shock now (almost a month later). Another great thing is that every person I encountered in this department made some sort of joke. These are my kind of people!

Secondly:
(is that a real word?) I had been praying really hard about going to study abroad in Italy from  May 22- June 19. When I offered this up to God, I asked him to make this decision evident by miraculously providing the $300 application fee before all of the slots filled up (there are only 10 spaces in the program). I didn't know if this would come in the form of a job or someone giving me the money. Low and behold, 2 weeks later (on a sunny Monday afternoon), my mom calls me when I'm getting out of lab to tell me that she and my dad have decided to give me $250 to put towards my application fee! I started crying which is not normal for me at all. This was such a huge answer to prayer! I hadn't asked my parents for the money, I didn't expect it, and I didn't tell them I had asked God for this provision as evidence that I should go.
I was able to sign up that Wednesday after meeting with Dr. Santini (the head of the Italian department). Meeting with her was another great experience because she was able to answer some of the questions that I had and just being able to build that student-teacher relationship before I go to Italy.

Thirdly:
(another word that may not be "real"). I was able to sign up for classes almost without a hitch. All of the teachers I've registered with had great reviews! I'm so excited! I've never been excited about college or classes. There was only class I that didn't work out so I cant take 15 hours, but I think that's just God's way of saying "Don't overdo it." I'll try to take some classes online over the summer, so hopefully that will work out.

Fourth (real word!):
Another study abroad related thing was the fact I need a second job to pay for it! The cost of the trip is 3250- a 750 global learning scholarship + tuition+ airfare.. the grand total will be somewhere around $5000. I'll be honest, thinking about it makes me stressed. I don't want to take out loans to pay for it (I already have enough of those, ugh), so while I've been praying I had to decide that if I can't get a job by January that I will have to withdraw my application (which would also mean that I'm wouldn't get my minor in Italian). After applying at a headache-inducing number of places, I had to sit back and trust in God that something will come around. It's been a battle to fight off being discouraged. Yet again, God is good, last Friday night I got a call for an interview this Friday night at Gymboree children's clothing! I'm really excited about this opportunity. Now is really the time that I have to pray for wisdom in this decision. I have to be wise because there's a certain amount of pay and hours that I need. If they can't provide that I have to decide to wait and trust that God will bring another job opportunity. I cannot justify taking a job for a few weeks "until something better comes along." I would feel like such a terrible person. It would be a bad witness to my character. Prayers would be much appreciated.

What I've concluded:
So many doors are opening! It's amazing what change can do! I've been researching multitudes of paths I can travel with this degree, my heart can barely stand the joy and excitement. God has been so FAITHFUL through this whole experience! It's so amazing to see where He's coming in and making my paths straight. He's had such a hand in everything and it's definitely forcing me to grow. It's up to me to do the best I can with what He gives me, so I will need to mature a LOT. I must say, it is so wonderful having someone I can trust with everything in my heart and knowing He WILL do what's best! Please continue praying for clarity and that I will follow His direction. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me though all of this and praying!

-Love-

The Catalyst (Beware: I take forever to get to the point)

What you need to know first:
As of Thursdsay October 21, 2010, I have officially decided to change my major. This upcoming week I will go make the necessary appointments to be an International Affairs major with a concentration in Diplomacy. The purpose of this blog is to keep everyone updated on my progression in life and sometimes whatever random thoughts have consumed my brain for the day.

Some Background:
As most of you know, I have been hopelessly floundering towards being an Early Childhood Education major for these last 4 (almost 4 and a half) years in college. I've wanted to work with children since 5th grade, and teaching seemed like the only way I would be able to follow that passion. Oh boy, was I wrong. 2 years ago in the summer of 08, I felt a very strong (and might I add, IRRESISTABLE) urge to join the mission field. In particular, I wanted to work with orphans. After reading a book and several articles related to the subject, I was heartbroken to discover that most children in orphanages are not touched other than when they are fed or changed. This causes huge developmental problems for them and severely affects their ability to accept love.
After losing Ashley, I needed purpose. My heart longed to be able to reach out to people in a way that I had never done before. So when this calling arised in my heart, I was ready to drop out of school then and find a job in the mission field right away. Thankfully, my wise and wonderful parents told me that I needed to finish my major first and give myself time to prepare.
So, I continued on with school, but following Ashley's death, I became a zombie. I knew there was something I wanted to do, but losing one of my best friends was incredibly hard to deal with. I had lost a major part of my heart and it showed in most areas of my life. (not exactly a good thing after my disasterous first year of school and spending my second year trying to push ahead) Needless to say, I lost a bit of focus in my third year, and even though my grades were fair, it still wasn't good enough.
Getting into the Education program was mostly me hitting the same wall, trying to get over the wall, trying to blow up the wall, and failing miserably. Every semester the same thought would arise: "what am I supposed to do". Thankfully, God has better plans than I could ever dream of on my own. The International Affairs major had great amounts of appeal to me, but I just couldn't commit for fear that I would be stuck in school forever. So, I would pray about it, but decide to stay where I was.

The Catalyst:
A year ago I asked God to make it very apparent if I was not going in the right direction and that still small voice made a big announcement during the middle of Italian class. I had been thinking of International Affairs again for about a week and dreading another semester of taking the same classes because I couldn't get into the ECE program. I was so fed up with trudging through the same hopelessness and not getting anywhere with my life. College has been my wilderness and I just wanted the "promised land" to be in sight!

ANYWAYS-- I arrive in my Italian class on Thursday morning for the study abroad presentation and spend most of the time dreaming about getting a minor in Italian/finding a job where I would be able to see the world and work with children. Cue a giant sense of being overwhelmed and God's still small voice saying "HEY, IT'S TIME TO CHANGE YOUR MAJOR!". Cue panic attack of me trying to figure out if I'd be in school for 7 more years, finding a job, and if my parents would freak out.

I decided then and there to go home and see how long this change would take and to call my mom immediately after class. Mom was actually very thrilled and said that she and dad had been wondering for quite some time if I even wanted to be a teacher anymore. She agreed that this major would fit my personality and that they (her and daddyo) would be behind me.

Life is changing and I could not be more excited. I'm lit up like a Christmas tree and ready for the path ahead. I'll have to grow up quite a bit, but that's life! I appreciate all of the love and support I've been recieving and I will try to keep everyone updated on this journey!

I love you all,
Emma